i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
