Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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