I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
