It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
