apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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