First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I want is dick and wine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
