I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
