i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
