I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
