He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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