so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
did i just pee glitter
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
