i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
