"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
