dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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