If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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