Kiss
Puke
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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