I heard we made out
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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