The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
