you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
