You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
