I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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