took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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