so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
