I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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