Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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