My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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