They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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