I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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