areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
