Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
