We won't sleep together?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
