What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
