One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
