I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
