so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
