so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
