I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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