i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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