Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize