1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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