Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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