Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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