New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
