i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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