I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
