Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
