I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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