This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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