I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
