just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize