Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
