no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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