so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
