: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
