it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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