this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize