I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
