Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could teleport
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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