Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
