the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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