The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize