did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
