I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
