So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
