I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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