I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
