Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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