so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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