Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
