Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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