If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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