Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
