I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize