just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
