She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
