Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
