The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
