you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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