Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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