well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
