She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
