I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I won the penis lottery.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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