pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
