Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
