What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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