im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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