I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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