so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
