Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
did you just send me my own nude
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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