Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
