If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
