Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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