Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize