I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
