Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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