So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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