I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
