I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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